Starla Starlight is a local astrology expert who works with the Bengal’s Purr to write out horoscopes she hears directly from the moon. The moon has always proven itself to be 100% correct and foresees true events that will soon occur.
Aquarius
No matter how much you wish and pray, the snow you want will not come to stay. And if you don’t want it, rest assured, knowing it won’t go away.
Pisces
The Moon believes you are the type of person to have started their Christmas shopping in March and decorated before Halloween was over. Shame on you!
Aries
It’s quite a bore to hear you are still upset about no one liking your Halloween costume, considering you were sick and at home anyways.
Taurus
The vanilla-scented candle you bought on sale is not upping your holiday or seasonal game.
Gemini
Disliking eggnog is building a reputation for your unpleasing presence. If you are doing this to cause problems, please improve your personality.
Cancer
Please try to find a hobby that doesn’t involve pelting people and cars with slush.
Leo
Even though everything makes you cold, it doesn’t mean you have to shove it in everyone’s faces. Seriously! Invest in hot cocoa or peppermint tea.
Virgo
Just because you have a collection of “grandpa” sweaters does not make you more fun and interesting.
Libra
Autumn is basically over, so why are you still trying to enforce pumpkin spice?
Scorpio
Hot cocoa bombs and white elephant gift exchanges are damaging the Instagram feeds of many because you won’t stop posting about them.
Sagittarius
Staying inside, curled up with a blanket because it’s cold out is not a “lifestyle” or “introvertcore.” Please stop trying to make it something.
Capricorn
The ice on the road is declared your worst enemy. By the moon’s decree, salt and sand are going to be valiantly useless and cake on your tires.
