FAKE NEWS: Moscow, Idaho changes name to cut ties with Russia


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Leaders of the city of Moscow, Idaho, have decided to change the town’s name in light of the crisis in Ukraine. With the purpose of cutting all ties with Russia, the town is taking on the title of “Jolly-Green-Giant-Ville.” Other names were considered, including “Moshorse” and “Rheialnsdng” (which may sound Russian, but insider sources claim it was an accidental recording of the mayor sneezing).
The new name came after a $502 deal with the Green Giant frozen vegetable corporation. The town of Dayton, Washington, which was in contract with the company, chose not to renew the deal, creating an in for Moscow.
In addition to the name, the Moscow city code will change effective May 32, 2022, making it mandatory for all outside buildings to be painted green. The interior of the buildings and houses in Moscow can remain a non-vegetable color for now, but new codes look like to pass soon. After that, it will be expected for an “only green” bill to pass, making it illegal for the new Jolly-Green-Giant-Villeians to wear any other color than green, except for on Thursdays.
In exchange for all this, Green Giant will be give free vegetables to the newly named town. Any person living inside city limits will receive an unlimited supply of the frozen vegetables. The Jolly-Green-Giant-Ville mayor said he believes this will be an ultimately beneficial deal for the people. As true frozen vegetable enthusiast, the mayor ended the press conference by throwing frozen peas at reporters.