FAKE NEWS: College tuition piles on students

College and university students in the U.S. are sharing growing excitement as the cost of attending higher education has increased this spring.

On Monday, March 21, Overpriced Private University increased its tuition to $600,000 annually. Over the next few days, other private universities, such as Expensive University and Costly College, followed suit and raised their tuition and fees to over $550,000. Some public universities have recognized the new prices and have adjusted theirs accordingly. A study predicts that the rising expenses of higher education will continue into the next five years, resulting in costs of over 5,000% higher than the amount in 2021.

“I love the new fees. It is incredibly satisfying to watch the money in my bank account drain away and see the numbers drop below zero. I mean, who needs money anyway?” said John Smith, a student attending Priceless University.

Smith shared his excitement on the new costs and how he and most of the 12,567 other students attending the public university plan to continue to pay for the rising tuition. He said that $423,000 annually is too affordable for students, so higher education will still not profit from the latest prices. Another student shared Smith’s opinions.

“I think college can never be expensive. It is 100% worth the joy of an unguaranteed job, stress, and unpayable debt,” said Martha Johnson.

She attends Priceless University with Smith. Johnson said that the stresses of attending college and acquiring student debt will always be her fondest memories of her experience at Priceless University. She says that the rising prices will be worth it after graduation because she will be one-eighth of a step closer to finding a job. After higher education, she said she expects a lifetime of working will pay for almost a sixteenth of her student debt.