New findings about first Golden Throne

Lewis and Clark portraits. Photo courtesy of

Lewis and Clark portraits. Photo courtesy of

With the season of The Golden Throne sweeping over the Lewiston-Clarkston Valley, there is news of some uncovered history.

Recently, the journal of William Clark’s dog’s was discovered and translated by the top translator in the country. This journal details the grueling first-ever Golden Throne.

With only two players in the game, Meriwether Lewis vs William Clark, the goal was to travel across the Snake River to score a basket.

“Bark bark bark! Bark woof woof bark,” wrote Seaman, which translated to: “Meriweather has no idea that I was swimming underneath the water the whole time, helping to push the ball.”

Though the rules have changed over the years, the original rules detail a no-spear-throwing rule, and catching dysentery was an immediate disqualification.

Instead of fighting over the rights to the Golden Throne, Lewis and Clark fought over the Golden Chamberpot. The journals don’t mention disinfecting that chamberpot, which is worrisome.

The journal entry closes with “Bark bark woof bark woof.” Though professional translators have yet to decode what this means, it is predicted that it discloses the winner of that year’s game.