Dr. Fact and Dr. Faux Fix the Earth

Dr. Fact and Dr. Faux are local experts in many fields of life (or so they say). They have agreed to advise Purr readers who need help with all of life’s aspects.
If you need advice, write in by filling out the form from the Bengal’s Purr Instagram (@lhsbengalspurr). Your letter might be in the next Bengal’s Purr!
Note: Advice given in this column is from Bengal’s Purr writers and does not come from professionals in any way.
Before making any decisions based on this advice, please think through your actions.

Dear Dr. Fact and Dr. Faux,
The Lorax once said, “I speak for the trees! Let them grow! Let them grow!” Why is this important? The Earth will live on long after we’re gone! So why should we seek to protect it?
Lorax Lover and Environmentalist Wannabe
Dear Lorax Lover,
You make a convincing argument. Why should we care? You’re absolutely right; the earth has survived billions of years’ worth of crises, and it is still around, still circling the sun just the same as it has been. But that’s just the thing. The earth is going to be fine, yes, but we are the ones who are affected by oil spills, high carbon emissions and literal islands of trash. Maybe we can’t fix what’s already happened. Maybe we can’t stop pollution from affecting plants and animals alike. But it isn’t about what we can’t do. It’s about the things we can do. It can be tough to keep a positive outlook when celebrities dump pollutants into the atmosphere with their private jet rides and wasteful lifestyles, but there are ways that even you can contribute. Try things like bringing reusable grocery bags to the store. Try not using single-use plastics (water bottles, plastic cutlery, etc.), or try recycling more. You quoted the Lorax, but he also said, “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”

In wisdom and good will,
Dr. Fact

Dear Lorax Wannabe,
You are so right! Who even cares about the only home that humans have ever known? Not me, that’s for sure. The earth is kind of boring anyway. All the green trees and blue skies are pretty gross in my opinion, and they aren’t really needed. I personally prefer the dystopian vibe that horribly polluted oceans give off. The sweet smell of fossil fuel and murky air is something that I would love to wake up to every morning! As a conscientious member of society, I always make sure to do my part in ruining the habitability of the planet! Through these simple steps, you too can quicken the impending doom of climate disaster! Always make sure to throw your plastics in areas that are full of wildlife, and always make sure that your carbon footprint is enough to encapsulate a small country. In fact, I propose that every year on Earth Day, we as a nation burn should 1,000 tons of trash and add another 1,000 tons to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. That’ll show those turtles. The quicker we destroy our chances of survival, the quicker we will make record-breaking profits! Like my great-grandfather used to say, “If it ain’t broke, then what are you doing? Make sure it is completely broken before you come into the house.”
Good luck and good riddance,
Dr. Faux