Aquarius
The muddy leaves will cake on your shoes and probably only serve to be a slipping hazard.
Pisces
Just because you saw the bedsheet-ghost trend or the pumpkin-head one, this doesn’t mean you need to participate or make it your next big Instagram post.
Aries
The bitter winds will mess up your hair and also tear down any leaf pile you may make.
Taurus
Your Bath and Body Works Caramel Apple-scented perfume is creating a radioactive war zone in the hallways and is most likely the cause of your lack of a love interest.
Gemini
Being into pumpkin spice does not make you a better person and, in fact, damages your personality in the autumn season.
Cancer
When they say “do it yourself,” please refrain from making your own apple cider that tastes more like apple cider vinegar.
Leo
Starting your Christmas shopping this early is not a flex and does not make you a better person.
Virgo
If your “cold-bloodedness” doesn’t make you freeze to death, your lack of interesting sweaters will kill your sense of style.
Libra
The moon declares that your pre-made Pillsbury cookies will burn because of your lack of baking knowledge.
Scorpio
Your worn out, vintage-style flannel does its job of making you appear to have the same fashion sense as a scarecrow who hasn’t been taken down in the past 30 years.
Sagittarius
Your lack of oranges, reds and yellows is noticed and does not make you stand out in a good way.
Capricorn
Your taste in music is just like songs about fall — non-existent.
