Starla Starlight presents “Failures of Fall”

Photo courtesy of Negative Space
Photo courtesy of Negative Space

The muddy leaves will cake on your shoes and probably only serve to be a slipping hazard.

Just because you saw the bedsheet-ghost trend or the pumpkin-head one, this doesn’t mean you need to participate or make it your next big Instagram post.

The bitter winds will mess up your hair and also tear down any leaf pile you may make.

Your Bath and Body Works Caramel Apple-scented perfume is creating a radioactive war zone in the hallways and is most likely the cause of your lack of a love interest.

Being into pumpkin spice does not make you a better person and, in fact, damages your personality in the autumn season.

When they say “do it yourself,” please refrain from making your own apple cider that tastes more like apple cider vinegar.
Starting your Christmas shopping this early is not a flex and does not make you a better person.

If your “cold-bloodedness” doesn’t make you freeze to death, your lack of interesting sweaters will kill your sense of style.

The moon declares that your pre-made Pillsbury cookies will burn because of your lack of baking knowledge.
Your worn out, vintage-style flannel does its job of making you appear to have the same fashion sense as a scarecrow who hasn’t been taken down in the past 30 years.

Your lack of oranges, reds and yellows is noticed and does not make you stand out in a good way.

Your taste in music is just like songs about fall — non-existent.

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