The United Kingdom has started its 14-day mourning period after the royal family announced the death of the former queen of England, Elizabeth II. This news comes mere hours after the discovery that she was alive and well by Lieutenant Edwin Hatt of the British Armed Forces. The announcement shocked the general British public, as many were celebrating and calling for Charles’s removal from the throne.
Newly crowned Queen Camila said, “Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will go down in history as a bit of a trickster, won’t she? I find it odd that she lived that long in her tunnels. I’m a bit cheesed off that the daft cow became queen again. The parliament was really flogging a dead horse by reappointing her as the monarch, weren’t they mate? You know, me not being the queen is a bit naff, innit?”
Lieutenant Edwin Hatt, who discovered the late majesty hours ago, declined to comment, saying, “I oughta put a sock in it and keep quiet on the queenie. I’ve got to go build that new tool shed, pip-pip.” The services will occur Oct. 30, 2023, at the Prince Albert Royal Hall in London. Visitors are welcome to attend, and monetary gifts are appreciated, according to the statement on the royal family website.
The British Armed Forces plan to have the newly named “Queen Elizabeth II” tool shed complete by the end of the decade. The shed will feature a portrait of Her Late Majesty painted by the school children from the local village and will be decorated with 71 spades made of gold to commemorate her 70-year reign and year in her tunnels.