Nation grappling with question: Who’s Joe?

Nation grappling with question: Who's Joe?

The Schmidt

Note: This article was part of the Bengal’s Purr April Fools satire series published April 1, 2020.
There is a mystery that people have been wondering for all of time. Who is this mysterious Joe? Most people are skeptical that it’s Joe Biden or Joe Rogan, or any other celebrity. Some have speculated that it may apply to multiple people, though that theory has remained under scrutiny.
A recent resurgence of the mystery seems to have taken place in Lewiston High School. Students of all ages are asking themselves and their peers: “Who’s Joe?” There doesn’t yet seem to be a definitive answer, but some students have given their theories to Bagel’s Purr staff.
“I prefer to use Urban Dictionary as the source material for all my news information,” explained Joseph Moma. “Apparently, you’re not supposed to ask anyone. It doesn’t explain. I assume there’s some sort of curse for those who answer it with a wrong theory.”
Jome Nama, sophomore, also commented, “I believe in the conspiracy theory that some random nerds started it in their school and it spread like wildfire. There isn’t an answer at all.”
One senior from LHS, Jeo Manna, summed up the mystery in four simple words. “Who’s Joe? Joebody knows.”