Success techniques to help prevent COVID-19

Microscopic image of the covid-19 virus. Photo courtesy of

Wedgie Goop, Professional Knee Walker

Note: This article was part of the Bengal’s Purr April Fools satire series published April 1, 2020.
With the recent outbreaks of coronavirus (COVID-19), it’s so important to keep not only one’s self safe, but others too. Here’s how:

* Lick phone screens: Everybody knows that a phone is one of the dirtiest surfaces, beating out a toilet seat. This is why people should lick their phones to clean them as opposed to traditionally wiping them with cleaning wipes. The bacteria and microorganisms on the screens help build the immune system against nasty viruses like corona.

* Breathe in other people’s coughs: By breathing in other people’s cough vapor it gives the body warning about worse strains of pathogens that may develop later. It’s a great technique that allows the body to adapt and prevent sickness.

* When sick, leave the house: If sick and contemplating whether or not to stay home, just leave! It’s always the best option. Staying home creates the false narrative that one is diseased and unwell, and who wants that? However, leaving the house shows that even when sick, one can still do anything they set their hearts to.

* Don’t clean or disinfect surfaces: With more germs, it’ll scare the coronavirus away, since the strains of corona don’t like to be overcrowded by others. Similar to an introvert, the coronavirus loves operating as a singular unit.

* Open doors with mouth: Door handles are one of the most touched items in the world. Naturally, that’s where icky germs can reside. With hands coming in contact all the time, it’s not good! Try switching it up with the mouth. Mouths encounter many bacteria, for example kissing, so it is well equipped.

* Never wash hands: Washing hands is never good. It dries out the skin and can cause many skin diseases. It’s also expensive. When hands dry and crackle, buying lotion is a must to moisturize. But lotion expenses can pile up, so never washing hands is the best way to prevent this.

* Constantly touch the face: Touching the different parts of the face — especially the eyes, nose and mouth — helps stimulate blood flow and the vagus nerve, which is essential to slowing down the heart rate and reducing stress.