(Fake News) School board increases school day hours


A student sits face down in her books, working hard. Photo courtesy of medibank.com

Students have often complained about how the school doesn’t take up nearly as much of their day as they’d like. As of right now, students at LHS are required to be at school no later than 7:55 a.m., with their school day stretching all the way to 2:25 p.m.

The Lewiston school board took a look at the total hours students are at school (seven hours and 30 minutes) and decided that students aren’t learning fast enough. With this in mind, the school board has decided that the student’s school day will start at 6:55 a.m. and go until 4:50 p.m. Teachers will also be required to give at least two pages worth of homework each night to maximize learning and ultimate time-wasting.

The Lewiston superintendent, Errricck Butlerrr, commented on the change.
“Students can’t learn enough if they aren’t at school for less than nine hours a day,” he said. “The body needs eight to nine hours of sleep a night, and kids also need eight to nine hours of schooling.”

Butlerrr added that this is the best way to guarantee students won’t have lives outside of school.
“Students need to work most of their youth away,” he said, “This is to ensure that the future generations of students truly know what hard work is.

As for the students’ responses to this earth-shattering news, they’re all for it. One student, Thommas Reeverrr, said he believes that this would help encourage those students who don’t work hard enough and fail one their classes.

“If students are spending more time in school than they’re spending anywhere else, then they’ll be more inclined to work harder. They will have nothing better to do.”

Reeverrr also said that the school board should think about having school take over the weekend.
“That would truly satisfy a student’s need to learn,” Reeverrr said.
Since none of this will go into effect until the next school year, some seniors gave their opinion on the subject. Jennnice Malllak said it would be fantastic because she herself is a straight-A student who lives and breathes school.

“If students don’t like the idea of having more time at school, then are they really learning?”