Fake News: Biden, Trump to throw hands


Josh Tatko, Staff Reporter

What started as a passive-aggressive Twitter argument between Donald Trump and Joseph Biden has escalated into a no-holds-barred mixed martial arts match planned for May 4, Bird Day.

Professional MMA fighter Jak’scynn Tartar has called the fight the duel of the Phanerozoic Eon. The match will stream live on Periscope and can be viewed for $12. David Attenborough will narrate the action, which will be captured at 100,000 frames per second.

Doctor of Presidentialism Trump dropped a hype vide March 2, which is Pig Day. This cinematic event is a direct sequel to his Election Day hit, “Despacito (Gone Wrong).” The new video features PSY, singer of the acclaimed musical magnum opus, “Gangnam Style.”

Biden has not been exempt from the promotion. He held a socially distanced party Jan. 20. Attractions for the event included standing in the cold and watching somebody read out loud to Biden.

According to downloadram.edu, many celebrities are slated to appear at the fight, including Jennifer Aniston, Dan Aykroyd, Michelle Obama and Soulja Boy.

Kandis Arugula, a reporter for the Zuckerberg Post, announced a raffle for 10 lucky fans to attend the event. Entries cost $3 each at getfreecollege.org.