FAKE NEWS: High school newspaper on thin ice with British royalty

Queen Elizabeth II has an extraordinary record in the duration of her reign over the United Kingdom, alongside her extended lifespan. She is the oldest monarch in history as of 2015, when His Majesty King Abdullah Bin Abdulaziz Al Saud of Saudi Arabia died at age 90.
Over the last year, The Bengal’s Purr has published two satire stories related to Her Royal Majesty. These stories, written by a student who is now in hiding, poked fun at the queen’s undying rule, alleging her immortality and inventing a royal tribute to the late Betty White.
These articles, however, were not taken so lightly by the woman who inspired them. The journalist responsible recently received a strongly-worded letter on papyrus paper. Written in ink with a feather quill, it stated that Her Majesty had a personal distaste for the articles. She wrote that if the blatant defamation of herself and other British royalty continues, the Royal Guard shall take matters into its own hands.
This letter has left the entire staff at The Bengal’s Purr distressed. As most people would agree, getting killed by the Queen’s Royal Guard sounds most unpleasant.
It is now evident that this threat is an overt attempt by Queen Elizabeth to hide her immortal gifts. She knows that The Bengal’s Purr is getting closer to uncovering the darkest secrets of Britain’s beloved, so she must do anything to keep them off her trail. It is unclear what the next move will be for the journalist and The Bengal’s Purr. However, one thing is certain: this is another article about Queen Elizabeth II.