FAKE NEWS: Students envy good sleeping habits of others


Chad finally getting a whole four hours of sleep. Photo courtesy of daniel-wong.com.

Last night, junior Chad Smith reportedly achieved the nine hours of rest recommended by the American Sleep Foundation, making him both an idol and major envy for much of the student population.
“I woke up this morning feeling fully rested. It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I felt rejuvenated and full of life. I don’t know how to describe it, it’s just like I was actually ready to take on the day,” said Smith. “It wasn’t as hard as I expected. It just sort of happened, you know? I’m just as shocked as you. I honestly thought it was a myth.”
Despite this achievement, Smith also emphasized that he did not slack on his studies in order to get rest.
“I just work hard at it and it seems to work out just fine,” said Smith, who manages a full schedule of AP courses, on-campus college classes, clubs and extracurriculars, and two varsity sports.
Harvard’s psychology program contacted Smith’s family just a few hours after the remarkable occurrence. Scientists asked to run cognitive tests on Smith to gain knowledge of how this anomaly might have taken place. The family has yet to respond.
Smith added: “I feel lucky that this happened to me. I hear stories about my friends making all-nighters a regular thing—it’s time for ‘Two Hour Tuesday’ or ‘What’s Sleep Wednesday,’ things like that. I don’t know, if I’m being honest, I don’t think it’s healthy.”