Eli Thomas stands apart from the rest

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Eli Thomas poses for his staff profile.

Soapy Hoonter, Volunteer Cadaver

Note: This article was part of the Bengal’s Purr April Fools satire series published April 1, 2020.
Born in Texarkana, Texas, Elias Thomas stands apart from the rest.
In Texas, Thomas recalls his “dope backyard” and has fond memories of climbing trees and listening to crickets. He also highlights his hometown for having many mosquitoes. This was great for Thomas, as he loved to scratch mosquito bites and found it very satisfying.
Thomas and his family made the move to Lewiston, Idaho when he was 12 years old with his two dogs and his cat, Alexander.
As the LHS senior class vice president and co-entertainment editor for The Bengal’s Purr, Thomas is a true leader. He prides himself on being a role model for his peers and setting a high bar. A star tennis player, mock trial member, and former yearbook editor, Thomas does it all. Although not as commonly known, Thomas has incredible ping pong skills that are simply unmatched.
When referring to Thomas, many adjectives can be used such as funny, energetic, entertaining and above all: crazy. One could spend an entire day picking his brain on various topics ranging from Playboi Carti and the Boston Red Sox, to JFK assassination conspiracies and The Wire.
Upon first meeting Thomas, he gives off an energy that is both entertaining and overwhelming. Upon further conversation, one will most likely realize there is more to him than meets the eye. Sitting down and talking to Thomas is truly a unique experience given how much of a conversationalist he is. He has an innate ability to deep dive into any topic of conversation, pick it apart, and see through different perspectives.
Despite his positive attributes, he routinely gives many movies, albums and restaurants low reviews in The Bengal’s Purr. For these reasons, Eli Thomas gets a 3/10.