LHS is getting a new weight room. Students now no longer have to pack themselves into a tiny, dirty place. The new room will feature 25 platforms, ensuring a maximum number of two people per platform. The room will also be built with state-of-the-art technology that will help individual students see exactly what they need to work on and improve.
  The room will feature active cooling technology that students can tailor to cool or warm themselves based on their body temperature and workout specifications. In addition, the platforms will feature built-in computer systems that will contain an archive of workouts.
  Many students are sad that games are disappearing like King of the Platform and Hot Lava, a game where a student must try and remain balanced on their platform without falling off into the “lava.”
   Other downsides do exist. The man who shoves all the students in the weight room and locks the door is now unemployed. With the new technology and space, the LHS student rate of fitness should be on the rise, and Michelle Obama can’t take joy in making students eat disgusting low-calorie cafeteria food any longer. Meanwhile, the elderly community plans to take a day’s break from knitting their granddogs sweaters in order to picket construction of the new room.
  “Property tax is already too dang high,” said 71-year-old retiree Edna Imaginary.
  The room is expected to be completed April 31.